I Forced My Kid to Take Piano Lessons for 4 Years and She’s Thankful

I started giving my oldest daughter piano lessons in 2nd grade. She loved it. She responded well to everything I taught her. She enjoyed the competitions and being able to play songs from Disney.

The Turning Point

In my daughter’s school, she’s allowed to start band in 5th grade. A little young, I know, but I went with it. I started helping her choose an instrument in 4th grade so I could get a good deal on a used student instrument. She chose the clarinet.

After she chose the clarinet, she asked if she could quit piano when she starts band. My husband and I said no, she could play both, just like I play both the flute and piano.

The Goal

We told her that she can quit piano when she can play the first movement of the Moonlight Sonata. Our reasoning for this was because it’s far enough along that she can pick it back up if she wants. She could decide to plunk out most things by that skill level, too, if she had to.

My husband grew up with an age limit. When a child of his family graduated high school, they could quit piano. We decided if she has a goal piece of music, she could speed ahead and get it done if she wants, and she’ll still hit the level of musicianship that we wanted for her.

That being said, we made it very clear that she will always be playing at least one musical instrument until the end of high school. If she quits the piano, she would have to stick to the clarinet through the end of high school.

Our Reasoning

We were very clear on our reasons for wanting her to be playing an instrument.

1. Brain Development. We saw over the years several studies about how being an instrumentalist helps with brain development. We want her to have those brain development aids for her while her brain is developing.
2. Emotional Outlet. We wanted her to be able to come home from a tough day at school and bang it out on the piano, especially through those rough Jr. High years.
3. Dementia. This is an odd one for the list, but I found an article that said those who played an instrument were less likely to get dementia.

7th Grade

At the beginning of 7th Grade, I told my daughter that she’s ready for learning the Moonlight Sonata, if she wishes. She said that she still hates piano, but she wants to learn Golden Aspens by Joyce Grill first. As I tried not to smile, we started on the piece (fist pump!).

After that, she still made it clear that she hates piano, but she wanted to learn The Healing Garden by Carol Klose first. Once again, I tried not to smile as we started learning the piece.

In May, when she was about half-way through learning The Healing Garden, I decided to call her on it. I told her that she really likes playing the piano, but she’s not admitting it to herself or others. If she really hated the piano, she would have whipped out that Moonlight Sonata before I even gave her the go-ahead, and would have been working on it as soon as possible.

She didn’t say anything, but gave me a thoughtful look. After about 5 minutes, she told me that she still hates piano.

June 21, 2019

We had around 3 weeks left in learning The Healing Garden. She played it for me in her lesson, and when she finished playing it, she turned around. Here’s what she said:

“I love this piece. It touches my heart. This is the first piece I’ve ever played that touched my heart. I think that you’re right. My head wants to quit piano, but my heart doesn’t.”

I succeeded in not crying, but I misted up. I replied, “This is why we do fun music. I always have you playing a serious piece and a piece that you choose. This is why it’s so important to have a piece for every emotion. Sometimes your serious piece will do that, too, but you need to have something so that you can play your heart out.”

Thank You!

Carol Klose and Joyce Grill, if you’re out there, thank you so much for writing those pieces! They turned my surly 7th grader around.